Kirstie’s Story

The worst day of our lives was the day we sent our tiny little three year old into open heart surgery.  As we anxiously waited for the doctors to come back to get her all we could do was smile and try to hide the worry, as we did not want her to see our fear. 

When they finally came to take her they let her ride in a wagon and asked her to go help them find something.  She was ok with this until it was time for my husband and I to leave her. As we kissed her sweet face and said “it’s ok, we love you and will be with you soon”, all she could do was cry. I was holding back tears, as to not worry her more.

They walked away with her yelling for me as we waved and then walked down the hall after she turned the corner. I lost all control and sobbed in my husband’s arms. We went to the waiting area with our baby (8months old) and waited for our first call from the operating room to come.

I called my mom and talked with her and my oldest child to help take my mind off of it. By this time my in-laws were there to sit with us and help with the baby. Our first call came. She was under anesthesia and they were getting ready to start. The fear in my husbands face was hard to see as he is a strong person and things usually don’t get to him this much.

Shortly later the call to say she was fully on bi-pass came. At this point, they had called about every 30ish minutes to keep us updated. But after that call, we didn’t hear from them for 60 minutes(the longest hour ever!).  We would look up every time that phone would ring in hopes they were calling for us and not someone else.

Once the call finally came and I heard the nurse say she is off bi-pass and her heart is pink and beating on it’s own all I could do was cry. I told my husband the news and then we waited for her to be completely done.  The doctor finally came out (4 hours since surgery started) we were so relieved to hear that all went well and they were able to fix what needed to be done.

He told us we could go see her in 15 minutes. So we thanked him and then proceeded to wait the 15 minutes. We went back to the cicu and were let in. When we got to where they had her, all I could see was lots of doctors and nurses surrounding her. She had tubes everywhere. It was a horrible thing to see.

Then a nurse came to us and told us that we needed to leave that they weren’t ready for us. At this point, I honestly wanted to hit her, as all I wanted was to be with my child.  So we went to another waiting room and sat anxiously waiting for someone to come get us! About ten minutes later they came and got us.  Holding her hand for the first time after surgery was the best feeling! She was so out of it and groggy that she had no idea what was going on. It was awful seeing her like this.

The next 5 days were so long and she went through so much! As a parent you wish you could take the pain away from her but it wasn’t possible. All I could do was make sure she had everything she needed and cuddle her. 

When they sent her home on thickened liquids(due to vocal cord damage) and sternal precautions I was terrified that I would mess something up! But we made it through. And she got stronger everyday and is doing great. 

Throughout this whole journey, I have struggled with anxiety. About how I do things for her and if every time she complained about her chest if I should rush her in or if it was a normal pain. As my husband and I have learned the ins and outs of having a child with a congenital heart defect we have had to rely on each other  so much. It’s not easy watching your child go through such a hard thing. 

That day is still as clear in my head as if I was right there all over again. All of the fears and worries about all of it have helped me learn that we can do hard things!!