Single motherhood is a title that has all kinds of connotations. For many, the first thought that comes to mind is how hard it is to be a single mom.
And while there are resources to assist with finances, childcare, education, and job opportunities, the journey to heal from heartache can be painful and exhausting.
My name is Jen, and I’ve been a single mother for eight years. My children were 10, 7 and 4 when I ventured out on my own, and now they are 18, 15 and 12.
I believed for a long time that a solution would present itself through getting remarried. Little did I know how the pursuit of romance would create even more challenges, fatigue, and anxiety.
Dating brought up my fears and insecurities, as well as self-doubt. The things I had believed would create peace and happiness wound up intensifying self-sabotage. And the recovery process required so much energy that my goal would become derailed until I could gain some strength back.
I knew something needed to change, for my sake, as well as the sake of my children, friends, clients and music career. After a search for a home church, I found a church that I loved and rededicated my life to God.
With a renewed commitment, I made a promise to God and to myself to remain grounded, steadfast and faithful.
I did a lot of exploration about what actually created true joy in my life. I knew that I’d need some romance free time, so I came intentional about taking a dating break.
In that process, I asked God to help me to generate my own dopamine, my own sense of real, honest fulfillment that didn’t involve romantic love.
A deep dive into the world of spiritual expansion and personal development began. I started a daily practice of meditation and reflection. I invested in myself through reading meaningful books, attending conferences and hiring mentors.
And God’s presence became more evident through prayer, praise and joining the worship team at church. Christian music provided comfort and communication at exactly the right times. The perfect verses would appear when I needed them, and I could feel more of the depth of peace that I was seeking.
Through this process, I could see just how dependent I’d become on relationships as a source of energy and worth. When that dependency was redirected to God, miracles began to occur!
I began to see myself through a very different lens, which increased my confidence and courage. Suddenly the goals that felt impossible became possible and I attracted new opportunities and friendships!
My children also benefited from the focused attention and ability to be present. Two of them have become professional singers and my middle child is pursuing modeling and sports. They have all expressed gratitude that we are a strong family unit of four and for the peace, we have in our home.
Some of the most profound lessons and blessings came through re-establishing the connection with myself and truly receiving own gifts and abilities. My identity is centered on seeing myself through God’s eyes and not through the standards of what is considered beautiful or worthy in the world.
This shift has created a whole new tribe of friends, clients, and kindred spirits, as well as opportunities to share my talents in ways I couldn’t have fathomed before.
Long term business goals are now achievable through redirecting the bandwidth towards building a website, brand and expanding my coaching programs and music career.
Most of all, though, the “peace that passes understanding” is activated in my heart and mind, which has changed my thought process, emotional management, ability to be independent in a healthy way, and manifestation of more joy!
I’m grateful to be a single mother. I’m grateful for the journey to learn how to love myself while loving and deeply connecting with others. I’m grateful for provision through a career that is truly inspiring and empowering. And I’m grateful that the love I was seeking was within me all along!:
Connect more with Jen here: https://www.facebook.com/emilypearlphotography/