Marriage has been my greatest adventure in life so far. I remember being a kid and dreaming of the man I hoped to marry. I made a list of all the qualities I was looking for in a man, some of which were;
- happy in all moments
- energetic about life
- sense of humor
- kind to everyone no matter what
- passionate. About me, his job or even health.
- hard worker. Not after to work overtime or get dirty.
- clean. Could get dirty, but then be clean at home.
- help out with inside chores. I hate dishes! Maybe because I’ve never had a dishwasher, so it was important to find a man who would help me.
- love my family. This was huge for me because family is everything to me. I wanted someone who would enjoy being around the people I love most.
I am a big dreamer, so the fact that I got a man who hit most of my list if not all was a dream come true. Being married I have seen my fair share of challenging moments.
Nobody is perfect, no marriage it perfect all the time. We had to figure out how to communicate, learn each others love languages and let go of frustrations.
Here is part 2 of how we strengthened our marriage over the years.
- Be vulnerable. Building up your tough walls will only hurt you in the long run. You do it thinking it will protect you, but it also keeps love out. Be vulnerable to love. Allow yourself to really feel all the emotions that come with it.
- Respect your partner’s opinion. You may not agree with it, but they are valid for feeling a certain way. Listen to them, hear what they have to say, be present. Then, make a decision based on what is really best for the circumstance.
- Do something new. I love doing new activities with Paul. One of my favorites was doing a paint night. We took a class and were taught how to paint a picture. We have it hung on our bedroom wall now. Looking at them makes me think back to that night and how happy I was.
- Create a vision board together. Dream. Get a big poster board and stick some dreams on it. Wanna go on a cruise? Print out a picture of your dream cruise and tape it right on. Wanna be a millionaire? Tape 100 bucks on your board. When you are done, hang it up somewhere you will see every day. Look at it, each dream you have and picture yourself doing it or living it. Soon enough, you will be.
- Never say divorce. Don’t even allow it in your vocabulary. Get rid of it altogether. As soon as you say it, even if you aren’t serious, it is easier to say it again and again and again.
- If it’s over $20, talk to your spouse first. This is one of the best marriage advice we received. If Paul wants something that $25 we talk about it first. Even just a dollar more, we make sure to be communicating that before we spend. It’s not just your life anymore. As soon as you say “I do” you opened yourself up to another persons opinion.
- Eat dinner together. You run, run, run all day long away from one another, spend one meal together. No phones allowed! Just you and your partner.
- Choose love, even when it’s hard. We all know how it makes you feel when your partner says something hurtful or makes you upset. Choose love even in those moments. Choose to love them when it’s easy and when it’s hard. They are human and will make mistakes just like you do.
- Be open for hard conversations. If you are married, you will have hard conversations. About money, kids, careers, what be it, they will come. Don’t block yourself off to having them because they aren’t always ideal. Have the conversation, then play your favorite game together to increase your bonding.
It’s the little things. The everyday choices that make, or break a marriage. Choose to be happy, choose to love, choose to grow–together. It might not always be easy, but it will always be worth it.
All my love,
Talesha