I’m sure we all can remember feeling like our relationship was the best and we’d never fight with our spouse. Then, you get married and realize just how challenging it can be. From having to change what you spend your money on, to worrying about bills, school, and parenting.
It’s no easy step, but oh, is it worth it. I can think of the many times that Paul and I sat down and brainstormed ways to improve our marriage. Better communication, more sympathy, and forgiveness to name a few.
By the end of our conversation, I was dedicated to showing him just how much I loved him. In my journal, I wrote down one small act of kindness I was going to do for him daily. I never wanted my husband to feel like he wasn’t good enough.
Here are some things I suggest for people who are struggling and wondering what they need to do to see a happier marriage.
- Always kiss goodnight! I know you have heard it, but have you done it? Even after an argument. Even after the worst sickness, you’ve had. Do it. Knowing you have to kiss him after that fight you just had will help bring you back together. No argument is more important than helping your husband feel loved.
- Help him with household chores. Maybe you love to do the dishes and he loves to sweep. Paul loves to vacuum, and I hate it. So, I let him vacuum and I do the laundry. Maybe you see him always taking out the trash. Help him with it the next day to show him you are paying attention and appreciate the help.
- Write a love letter. You know the ones you used to write in middle school to your crush? Yes, that one! Write him a love note and really put your heart into it. Whenever I do this, I write down my favorite love quote at the top. I try to make it fun to look at. I break up my paragraphs and add cute little doodles. I’m the worst at drawing, but I don’t let that stop me.
- Don’t be afraid to start over. Maybe you had a bad day and don’t want to bring it into the next one. It’s perfectly okay to ask that it be left in the past and you start over fresh the next day. Somedays are not always the best and you can admit that without having a long conversation about it. Leave the drama in the past and move forward.
- Defend your spouse! If you hear anybody talking bad about them, put an end to that quickly. Don’t let anybody say anything that might hurt them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a coworker or parent, put an end to that quickly.
- Remember that you are on the same team. You won’t always agree on what to eat for dinner, or what team to cheer on in sports and that’s okay. Paul loves lasagna and although I love it too, I can’t eat it 7 days in a row as he can. So, I compromise and make him a lasagna he can eat 7 days in a row and I eat something different.
- Turn off your phone! Paul and I created a schedule of different ways to spend time together. On Monday, we play a game. On Tuesday, we watch our favorite show, and so on. Nobody is more important on your phone than the person next to you.
One of my favorite sayings is, “Pick your battles.” For most this saying is for children. But after being married nearly 10 years, I can see the benefit in marriage too. As a newlywed, I used to hate picking up dirty work socks. Now, even though I don’t like it, I pick them up, wash them and put them away for him. It’s one less thing to worry about and I want to help.
All my love,
Talesha