Hi friends! I’ve been thinking a lot recently on my self talk. A lot of it is, “You don’t do enough, you need to lose weight, you need to care more about what you look like, you eat a lot of food that’s bad for you!” Do you ever wonder why you speak harsher to yourself than others are even thinking about you?
I guarantee that others see so many of your strengths, but why do you struggle to see them too? I always wonder why I can’t just switch up that negative self talk and start speaking kinder to myself. Because in reality, I work really hard to keep my house clean. I wake up early to make sure I’m eating breakfast and preparing my meals throughout the day. I hardly ever use heat on my hair to keep it healthy (that’s why its up in a pony most days). And, I have a trainer I work with personally once a week to ensure my goals are being met.
But if I really am trying hard every day, why do I speak so mean to myself? Why is it so hard to be kinder to myself when I already have the world on my shoulders? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t the only one.
The more I thought about my own family and friends speaking negatively to themselves like I did to myself, I was so sad. I never wanted the people I love to say those same things to themselves. Because they aren’t true.
I realized that changing your self talk is not an overnight change. It’s small changes daily that add up to a healthier mindset. I shouldn’t have put the pressure on myself to change so drastically with no time to actually change. I needed to realize that it’s one thought at a time that will slowly bring that positivity back in.
Then I thought to myself “When did this all start?” Kids aren’t born thinking badly of themselves, it comes as you get older. I thought of my childhood, how happy and at peace I was. When the negative self talk started for me was beginning of 7th grade.
I had just moved to a new school with no friends. That was the first time I really didn’t have friends. I had to put myself out there and meet new people for the first time in my life. That’s when I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough, nobody liked me, I was annoying and I wanted to be like the “popular” girls. They were so pretty, they had so many friends, they had cute outfits.
But why didn’t it just stop there? Why did it have to keep going the older I got? I so desperately wished I could go back and hug myself. Tell that 12 year old girl that she WAS enough. That she had so many amazing qualities and would some day soon change peoples lives around her.
Sadly, none of us can go back in time and flip that switch back over to positive self talk, so we just have to flip it now. We have to fight for it even harder now. But, it’s not impossible!
The first step is being aware of it. That way, when it happens you can consciously stop it right in the moment! It’s not an easy switch to make. It will take lots of practice to turn around a negative comment. Anytime you notice an “I can’t” statement, challenge it with a “Why can’t I?” statement. You are the only thing stopping you from achieving your goals.
The second step is saying positive affirmations daily. I recommend going on Pinterest and searching affirmations. That way you can find one that resonates with you. When you find it, repeat it daily. Never miss a day to bring that positivity in. Some days will be harder than others, but I promise it gets easier.
The third step is, find uplifting people and be around them. You know those people who are always lifting you up in life. The ones who remind you how amazing you are. How beautiful you are, and how needed you are.
Spend time with those people. They are the ones who truly love you. Not the ones who tell you, “you can’t do that! You won’t ever suceed. You look bad today.” Those people bring you down and we don’t need any of that. So kick those negative people who are mean to you, to the curb.
The fourth step is, do what scares you! When your mind tells you, “you can’t do that.” show it just how amazing you can do it! Because if you listen to it, you only continue to give it power. You only continue to push yourself down. Keep fighting for your dreams and don’t ever give up. Even when it gets hard. Stand back up and tell yourself just how capable you are.
The fifth step is, remember the good times. Remember those times you thought you couldn’t do it, but you did. Remember the times you didn’t allow you or anyone else to tell you what to do. Notice how you felt. Think back to the steps it took you in life that you wouldn’t have taken if you didn’t do it.
I remember being so nervous to take a test in college. This test determined if I could have my dream job or not. If I didn’t pass, I would lose my job and my pride. I was so nervous going into it. However, I had studied, I had taken the time needed to prepare, and I had lots of positive self talk.
I went in, and passed the first try! I pushed myself. I didn’t give up on my dreams and I showed up, and passed! Life isn’t supposed to be easy. If it was, we would never grow. We would never be the people we are today.
I’m so grateful for all the times in life that I pushed myself past my negative self talk and I succeeded. I’m so proud of myself for changing my inner dialogue from not so great, to my own biggest motivator.
It will get easier, I promise. You all are going to do amazing things! Take that step, take that chance! Take that job that scares you, run that extra mile, do something nice for someone who’s hurt you. I promise, you will succeed if you just take that step.
All my love,
Talesha