I was able to meet Corinne at a conference. She had such a sweet and kind personality. I was so impressed of her story of resiliency to be able to create a life away from those she loves. I recommend you read her story and see how it can apply to you.
2018 was a huge year for me.
In January, I left the home I had known for 4 years in Guatemala to travel with my fiance to Asia. In March, a last-minute job offer for him landed us both in Salt Lake City. Just three weeks later, we eloped and the adventure of marriage started for us. May saw me take a visit home to family in Ireland. In June I moved to the U.S. to be with my new husband for the summer. I had a Masters degree lined up to start in Dublin in September and along the way, we bought and renovated a home here in Utah.
As you can probably tell, I’m not shy of travel. I haven’t lived at my home in Ireland for over 5 years, so it came as a surprise when I found the move here to Utah really challenging.
I lost my sense of self and identity.
I have experienced loss in my life before. My mother passed away when I was younger and relationships have come and gone. I could sit and write about those life-lessons for days but I feel that this most recent struggle and loss of self-identity has been a very empowering journey for me. How can a story of loss be empowering? Well, this is what I have learned:
- Stop Pretending
In moving to the U.S., I got caught up in my new role as a ‘wife’. I was trying to live up to societal standards of what that meant. What I should have done was try to figure out what that looked like alongside my husband, as a new stage in our relationship.
I got caught up in trying to ‘fit in’ here in the USA. The lifestyle expectations were overwhelming and we were not in a financial situation where we could ‘keep up with the Joneses’.
In Utah, the culture is very different to anywhere I have ever lived before. The large LDS community seems to be encouraged to marry young and have large families. At 27, I was not used to seeing women my age have 2+ kids already. I felt that I had nothing in common with so many women my age.
I have always worked but, as an immigrant to this country, a work permit takes time to come through the immigration system. The independence that work brought me was suddenly taken away and trust me, I don’t make a good housewife!
All these new feelings and experiences had me trying to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, and I didn’t feel like ‘me’ anymore. I wasn’t happy, I was unhealthy and overwhelmed. I couldn’t relate to anyone, let alone recognize myself in the mirror. I knew I wanted more for my life so I took a step back from the new expectations I had placed on myself, and focused on doing the things I have always loved. I went back to the basics.
I started to take more photographs and practiced my editing skills. That led to some wonderful experiences and friendships through the new foodie account I created on Instagram. I started volunteering locally to get me out of the house and to help me feel productive and useful. I started eating healthier and lost weight. Instead of watching tv all day, I kicked my creativity into action and am now getting ready to launch my own business in Social Media Management and Content Creation.
2. Self Love Is Not Selfish
Stop pretending. Be true to who you are. Comparison is the thief of joy after all!
At first, I felt selfish. I felt like I was a terrible wife for not loving doing laundry every Sunday and preparing lunch for my husband. But then I realized who LOVES laundry? No one I’ve ever met! Yes, those things have to get done. I’ll still do them but only after I’ve looked after myself.
Self-love looks very different for everyone. Find what relaxes and fills you up. Do it uncompromisingly. It is ok to say no. You can’t give and care for others if your own cup is empty.
3. Change your self-talk
If you don’t know what self-talk is yet, let me clarify. Self-talk is something you do naturally throughout the day. It is that little voice in your head that keeps you company. People are becoming more aware that
Although positive self-talk comes naturally to some, most people need to learn how to cultivate positive thoughts and dispel the negative ones. With practice, it can become natural to think good thoughts rather than bad ones. I am working on this every day. It is human nature to be harsh critics of ourselves. I bet you would never say to anyone the words you say to yourself when you look in the mirror. So why say it to yourself? Love yourself the way you love others. Be kind to yourself.
The other more powerful way I am trying to change my self-talk is this:
Anytime I catch myself saying ‘I HAVE TO’, I try to change it to ‘I GET TO’.
So I don’t HAVE to make dinner tonight. I GET to make dinner to have a lovely meal with my husband.
I don’t HAVE to work out, I GET to work out and show my body some love. Feel the difference?
This is hard to do but humans are creatures of habit so give it a try. And keep trying. Soon, the change in your self-talk will have changed your mindset from one of obligation to one of gratitude. Trust me, it makes all the difference.
Corinne is back. Even though I lost myself for a while, practicing self-love and positive self-talk brought me back and more empowered than ever!
You can visit my website at, https://thefoodscenes.com/