At the end of 2016, my boyfriend of 3 ½ years at the time proposed to me and of course, I said YES! We decided to not rush our engagement and plan our wedding for the end of 2018. It seemed every female who heard the news always reacted wit “this is going to be the best time of your life”. It could not have been farther from the truth for myself.
My fiancé’s mother and I have never seen eye to eye. It felt a lot of our wedding had to be her way. From our venue to napkin placement, to the guest list, everything was a battle. If that wasn’t enough my mother and my fiancé’s mother would often have differences. Seating arrangements seemed to be the center of their disagreements mostly. Unfortunately, this didn’t prove to be the worst of my worries.
Growing up I never had many strong connections with friends and especially not with girls. I never dreamt of my “big day”. So, when it came to picking bridesmaids it wasn’t like I had many choices. I asked my oldest friend that I still talked too to be a bridesmaid. She couldn’t bring herself to stand up for me in a dress.
It was one of the tomboy traits she never grew out of. She did decide she would still help out with getting some of my guests to the wedding, as well as getting my two dogs and my cat to the location for wedding photos. Which if you know me, you know my animals mean a lot to me so having them at my wedding photos was huge.
Long story short her and I had a falling out a couple of weeks before my wedding. This resulted in so guests not being able to make it due to the sudden change in their travel plans. I also had to scramble to make last-minute arrangements for our animals to be taken care of. I ended up not getting the photos I wanted and we still do not talk on her terms.
I asked another friend to be another bridesmaid. We had been friends since high school and stayed in touch since then. She also happened to move away from our small town too and only lived 30 minutes away from where I live now. She was busy with her life and even though she had accepted the role to be my bridesmaid she never made time for me. My maid of honor who I knew from high school as well and still lived in our small town would make it to important dates. This even involved her having to cross a province.
The final straw with the busy bridesmaid was after I planned a girl’s weekend for all of my bridesmaids to get together and have some fun and go dress shopping. The plan was to have the 5 of us (myself, 1 maid of honor and 3 bridesmaids) meet at my house for some drinks, movies, and some girl time. I was really looking forward to finally connecting with girls this way as girls’ nights were not something I grew up with much.
It wasn’t more than 2 hours after the girls got to my house that they all found reasons to leave except my maid of honor. Their reasons for leaving were one was vegan and would rather eat at home, one decided to work and the other just didn’t feel up to it. I had even booked us a suite to use the next night that I had to cancel it last minute.
For me, it was a huge slap in the face. I felt worthless. How could anyone I consider a friend, let alone a close friend, just disregard me like that. I was pretty destroyed. This resulted in me and the bridesmaids talking it out. The busy bridesmaid and I realized it wasn’t going to be a good fit and parted ways. The other two bridesmaids and I seemed to find a mutual understanding again.
I ended up asking another girl if she would be my missing bridesmaid. Everything seemed to be coming along good or as good as wedding planning can go… Fast forward to a couple of weeks before my wedding. After my disaster of a girl’s weekend, nothing was planned to make up for it or even a bachelorette. I knew I never had an inseparable best friend but I thought I meant more to my friends. I was always the one planning birthdays and get-togethers for them. It took my fiancé’s mom and my mom to plan my bridal shower and a night out or it wouldn’t have happened. I was pretty upset and disappointed. I just wanted my wedding to be over. I was depressed. Thankfully my fiancé was supportive and loved me for who I was even in my lowest.
Fast forward again to one week before my wedding. All the final details were being nailed down. This nightmare was coming to an end it seemed. All the stress was almost over. Then I get a text from one of my bridesmaids, that I had previously had the issue with, saying she decided to not be apart of my wedding. One week before I said I do. Almost a year after accepting the role of my bridesmaid and helping through family and girl dramas. I thought I was lost and ruined before now I was beside myself. My fiancé tried everything he could to make me feel better. I just wanted the wedding to be over.
Our wedding day finally rolled around. Another replacement bridesmaid had been organized. Everything leading up to this day seemed to have gone wrong. The only reason I stuck to it was the love I felt toward my fiancé. Our wedding day was beautiful. Nothing went wrong. It was that day I realized that the only thing that matters is my now husband and I’s happiness. Life is always going to throw drama and obstacles at you.
I have really looked at the people I associate regularly with and made some major cutbacks. If it’s not a mutual connection with benefits to both people it’s not worth my time. Having this new outlook has really saved my peace of mind and in turn, strengthened my husbands and mines relationship. We have been more determined than ever and are crushing our goals.
We bought our first home in April together and are starting to plan some new auditions hopefully in the next couple of years. Being a team and planning together as a couple really helps builds a better future. Realizing who truly is mutually important to you makes life so much similar and happier. Be in control of your happiness and live in the moment. Hard times will pass.
Carly Inverarity M.B.
Get to know Carly better at instagram.com/backcountry.baby