Here is a story of how one mom chose life despite the odds. Follow along and be inspired by the miracle of her story.
On June 17th nearly two years ago I walked into the hospital and my life changed in an instant. My husband and I were ecstatic about twin pregnancy, but on this specific day in June, I was only 23 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I found myself in the OB emergency room and the doctors at the foot of my bed were telling my husband and I that we needed to prepare for the delivery of our babies, they were coming right then, there was nothing they could do to stop it.
We had a choice to make. Any baby less than 24 weeks gestation is not considered viable, however, in the 23rd week, we could decide if we would provide lifesaving support for our babies or not. We had battled infertility for 6 years and our choice was easy. We chose life, even with the terrifying statistics we were given. From that moment on, we started to experience miracles. I cannot enumerate all of the miracles, but I do know the first one. Those babies stayed inside while I laid as still as possible, fully dilated, for 4 days. They came at exactly 24 weeks, 16 weeks early, at about 1 and a half pounds each.
I knew right away that this new chapter was going to demand all of me. No little piece of me could wallow in self-pity, or hide behind fear, or play the what-if game. We had made the choice and now I needed to show up with my whole heart and with the understanding and vulnerability to accept any outcome. It took me three days to make that decision. For me, this was miracle number 2.
We had chosen life but when they had to transfer Savannah to a level 4 NICU so that she could have a needed surgery they asked if we wanted to keep trying. When we found out she had massive brain bleeds and may never walk or talk, they asked us again. When Memphis had to be transferred to the same level 4 NICU they asked us again. When they both had to have heart surgery, they asked us again. They asked us 5 times until we finally told them to stop asking. Our answer would never change.
When they reached a month old our babies had successfully navigated 5 surgeries between them. We felt very confident with their ability to keep going. Then Memphis got sick. Those tiny bodies, not meant to be out of the womb, cannot regulate illness. Any illness quickly spreads to other parts of their bodies which leads to sepsis. I walked in one morning and was greeted with a very busy bed space and tense faces. The nurse practitioner launched into an explanation of what was happening. I listened and paused to brace myself before I asked what his chances of survival were. “Not good”, she said, “I think you need to prepare for him to pass.” My husband got there as soon as he could from work and we spent the entire day in shock, watching his monitors show us an increasingly desperate picture.
We begged God to allow him to live. We pleaded with Memphis to choose life. I promised him that life held so much more than this pain-filled and terrifying existence he knew. I felt him waver back and forth all day long. Then started pleading with God to let me know what would happen. I told Him I could accept either, I just had to know. The answer that I got was that this was just something I had to experience fully.
After 15 hours of sitting next to his bed watching him continuously worsen, we saw a change begin. Slowly, his vitals started to rise. We could hardly believe our eyes and we poured out gratitude. We had chosen life for him, but at this moment, Memphis also chose life for himself. He knew nothing of life but pain, we couldn’t even hold him to comfort him, most of the time we couldn’t even touch him. And yet, he chose to live.
He taught me that day about the immense value of living the life we have, regardless of what is in it. He taught me about holding out hope for better days. He taught me there is always a reason to continue the fight. As the days and months continued, Savannah taught me the same things. They taught me these lessons so many times that they are now permanently written on my heart, they are a part of me, and I know I need to share them.
Savannah ended up in the NICU for 7 months, Memphis for 8. By the time we came home, they had a total of 15 surgeries between them and too many other procedures, illnesses, and medical interventions to count. At this point, they have had 4 additional surgeries, they are both fed by a tube, and Memphis is still dependent on oxygen. They both have vision issues and Memphis has a rare form of hearing loss. They have both been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, massive growth and development delays, and they continue to have unending appointments with doctors and specialists.
I think sometimes it can be easy to overlook a miracle if it is not the miracle that expects or ask for. More times than I can count I asked for them to be healed or not need a specific procedure or surgery and it basically never happened that way. But the fact that we live with 30 miles of the most incredible children’s hospital in a 5-state area is kind of a miracle. The fact that there are people out there that spend a decade of their lives and hundreds of thousands of dollars to learn how to operate on a baby that is less than two pounds, that is a miracle. Memphis has terrible vision, but we live in an age of glasses, and not just glasses but nearly unbreakable, flexible ones. He has a very rare hearing issue, but cochlear implants give him a high chance of hearing normally. Savannah has hydrocephalus but a shunt inserted into her brain drains the excess fluid and allows her to live. And the very fact that both of them live, and the crawl, and the smile, and they laugh, that is the greatest miracle of all.
They have taught me to see the miracles all around me, common everyday miracles. They have taught me the power of choosing to be happy and thank goodness because I need frequent reminders. I know that these two will continue to teach me, every day of my life. All in all, I think the latest miracle I can count, perhaps number 1,000,001, is that I am grateful for the places they have led me, all they have shown me, and the things I have learned. I never would have chosen this particular path, but it has become the most valuable experience of my life thus far.
Shanda Miller is a mentor, speaker,
Shanda, This is so inspiring! God bless you and your wonderful family on your journey.
Her story touched me to my core. I’m so grateful she was willing to share it.